


Case #0181606 — The Lamb Was Sure to Go

by Styx_in_the_mud



Series: Arthur Shappey, Too Good for This Fear, Too Pure [1]
Category: Cabin Pressure, The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Comedy, Crack Taken Seriously, F/M, Gen, Herc has a sheep thing, Horror, Jon is baffled, Statement Fic, This so doesn’t fit in the timeline, Vitriolic Best Buds, You Have Been Warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-17
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:33:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22290367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Styx_in_the_mud/pseuds/Styx_in_the_mud
Summary: Statement of Hercules Shipwright regarding a stuffed sheep gifted to him on his birthday.
Relationships: Carolyn Knapp-Shappey/Herc Shipwright, Douglas Richardson & Herc Shipwright
Series: Arthur Shappey, Too Good for This Fear, Too Pure [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1608589
Comments: 7
Kudos: 41





	Case #0181606 — The Lamb Was Sure to Go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [randomostrichchocolates](https://archiveofourown.org/users/randomostrichchocolates/gifts).



> A gift for the amazing RandomOstrichChocolates who said that Herc would be targeted by the Flesh because of the sheep thing and then let me spiral. Do the timelines match up? No. Do I care? No. That is all, thanks and enjoy.

_(Tape recorder on)_

**Jon**

I'm sorry, are saying you were hunted by a sheep for five months?

**Herc**

No of course not, don't be ridiculous! I was _haunted_ by a sheep for five months. A dead, beady-eyed, stuffed sheep.

**Jon**

A-alright. Statement of Hercules Shipwright regarding a... stuffed sheep gifted to him on his birthday. Statement taken directly from subject.

**Herc**

So I'm not... afraid of sheep. I have an intense dislike of sheep that manifests itself in complete avoidance of the creatures and occasionally high-pitched, involuntary vocalizations which are definitely _not_ screams of terror.

My not-girlfriend, Carolyn, that's Carolyn Knapp-Shappey, she knows about this... intense dislike. So naturally when my birthday came around earlier this year, she got me a stuffed sheep. Not a toy sheep, mind you. A proper, dead, taxidermied _Ovis Aries_. 

**Jon**

Sorry, but when you say not-girlfriend —

**Herc**

I mean she's very much my girlfriend but she'll vehemently deny it if you ask her.

**Jon** (relieved)

Ah okay. And she got you a stuffed sheep. Knowing you hated sheep.

**Herc**

Yeah. I think I love her.

**Jon**

Right.

**Herc**

Anyway, Carolyn runs a small charter airline service, My Jet Now. Well, she calls it an airdot since there's only the one plane. she usually pulls double duty as a stewardess. That's where we met, actually. I'm a pilot myself you see, for Air Caladonia, and we needed to avail their services after a complication with our flight. One of my acquaintances, Douglas Richardson, is a First Officer, well, _the_ First Officer, at MJN and I met Carolyn through him. It was mild hazing at first sight.

Anyway the MJN crew were at a stop over in Ireland, when they picked up the sheep. I don't know the entire story behind how they got it, but the Captain, Martin Crieff, was definitely involved and looked rather banged up when I met him after.

So Carolyn gave me the sheep and I promptly locked it in the attic. She had a good laugh and I vowed revenge. You know, the usual. We had a small party with her crew and some of my mates from Air Cal at mine and that was the end of it. Except that night, when I went I went to bed my dreams were decidedly... woolley.

**Jon**

Can you elaborate on that please?

**Herc**

You know those dreams you get sometimes where you suddenly remember you're someone else? Like you thought you were acting as yourself but halfway through you realize you're, I dunno, the Prime Minister or something? It was like that.

I'm in a white room. Just me and the sheep. It's your average-sized sheep at first. But the more I look at it, the bigger it seems to get, until I can feel the coarse wool under my fingers. And suddenly I was very afraid. But it wasn't my fear. It was more like I was the sheep. And I suddenly knew what it felt like to be a leg mutton.

When I woke up, I couldn't move for a minute or two. I had this strange sense of... foreboding I guess. And it panned out. When I walked into my kitchen the sheep was there, at my kitchen table, staring at me with dead eyes.

Now obviously my mind didn't immediately go to ‘haunted sheep’, I'm not a madman. I honestly just figured it was Douglas playing a stupid joke. So I phoned him up and told him he was being a child. He swore up and down that he had nothing to do with it, called me a berk, and then invited me to meet up with him and Martin at the pub. Douglas doesn't drink, but he finds tipsy Martin incredibly amusing. Naturally I agreed and that was the end of that. I put the sheep away and pretty much forgot about it for a while. 

Nothing happened for about a week. I had chalked the whole thing up to Douglas being kind of an ass as usual, but then one day when I passed the attic, it was there. At the bottom of the stairs. Now there's no way Douglas or anyone could have moved it. I had been at home alone for the last couple of days. Maybe I'd forgotten to lock the attic? But there was no reason for the thing to be placed so perfectly at the bottom of the stairs. As I looked at it, I felt that fear again. That I was nothing more than a piece of meat. Which is ridiculous. Hell, I'm a vegetarian. Out of respect. For the sheep.

Anyway that incident started it. After that it seemed like everywhere I turned that bloody sheep was there. Carolyn seemed to think I was trying to prove a point by carrying it everywhere, and Douglas, well see for yourself. 

**Jon**

Subject has provided a chat log of text messages between himself and Mr. Richardson. Most of the messages from Richardson's side include thinly veiled references to Mary Had a Little Lamb.

**Herc**

But here's the thing, I wasn't carrying it around at all, it would just... turn up. Once or twice I even found it on the flight deck during long flights. I wasn't sleeping. And whenever I could catch a few hours, I'd wake up with the fear that it would be at the foot of my bed or something.

I think I was starting to worry the others. Some of my coworkers brought it up once or twice. And Arthur, er that's Arthur Shappey, Carolyn's son, told me a story about a security blanket he had as a child which I think was meant to be his way of saying he wasn't going to judge, but it's a little hard to tell with Arthur. Carolyn actually sat me down and told me it was a joke gift, and it wouldn't hurt her feelings in the least if got rid of it. Even Douglas asked me if I was alright. I don't know if you can tell, but that's not something we do. At all.

It kept up like that for months. And then, well, it stopped. For good I think, which was a relief.

**Jon**

How?

**Herc**

Hm?

**Jon**

How did it stop?

**Herc**

Oh well, Arthur wanted to have a barbecue and in the park, and honestly none of us can say no to him for too long. So it was the crew, me, and Martin's girlfriend. We playing football when the thing sort of showed up and — well — Arthur kicked it into the barbecue. 

**Jon**

What?

**Herc**

Yeah, the whole thing started to go up in flames. Martin was the closest and he started panicking. And when Martin panics, interesting decisions are made. Anyway long story short, he punted it into the lake before it could become too much of a safety hazard.

**Jon**

I-wait— you set it on fire and threw it into a lake?

**Herc**

_ Accidentally. _ Arthur was really sorry about it. He was very confused when I thanked him.

**Jon**

And everything just... stopped?

**Herc**

Yeah.

**Jon**

I just have to say… you’re taking this remarkably well. I mean, you don’t seem… as shaken up as I would expect about this incident.

**Herc**

And show fear in front of Douglas and Carolyn? Absolutely not, they would be like sharks scenting blood! I would never survive.

**Jon**

Ah.

**Herc**

Well, if that’s all?

**Jon**

Oh, yes. Um, thank you for your time.

_ (Tape recorder off) _

* * *

**Jon**

Post statement followup recorded on July 5th 2018. 

Mr. Shipwright’s statement was unnervingly easy to follow up on. Both Mr. Richardson and Ms. Knapp-Shappey confirmed their parts in the story, and Mr. Crieff was able to shed more light on the acquisition of the item. He requested me to note that he’s not surprised that the sheep was cursed, as acquiring it resulted in him, and I quote “getting stranded in Ireland, losing his father’s ring, and buying a goose.” Arthur Shappey was also happy to speak to Martin about the rather dramatic barbecue, and seemed profusely apologetic for his part in the events. I’m not certain he understood the nature of the item, but I can’t exactly blame him. Most people don’t understand the horrors of the Flesh. 

And I’m sure it was the Flesh, although I’m not willing to completely rule out involvement from the Stranger because, well, taxidermy. They do have an unhealthy obsession with skin. 

The whereabouts of the sheep are still unknown.

**Author's Note:**

> Don’t own the characters only take them out to play with once in a while


End file.
